Stress

Everything is suddenly stressful! It may be because I depend on others that are not available to communicate. It may be because I doing so little compared to what I am used to. Or maybe I just don't have the energy I want, and I need to slow down. This stress, I am sure has made my blood pressure go way up, my sciatic nerves to pinch, my jaw to ache, and my adrenalin to flutter. I think I would like to latch on to one project and to work on it fully to the end of my days. I would like a wonderful group of people to work with. And I would like to have the support of my children. Or do I mean that I want them to support themselves? No, I really mean I would like to work together with them on a singular important project. One that does not require living all together, but that has a certain appeal. We spend so much time and money trying to keep up with, keep track of, and keep in touch with each other. I just want to dig in and get something done that is sorely neglected. I want to establish a new lifestyle that makes sense. I really want to continue my work with children and find joy in every day.

Are we all on drugs?

Vitamins are not drugs, alcohol is, and maybe chocolate should be added to the list. We offer candy as a reward and children easily become addicted to sugar. There it is in the supermarket right by the register in colorful packages calling to us. The clerk even knows when we grab a bag of peanut M&Ms, that we want it right now and hands it back after ringing it up. And that rack of of candy bars and gum is often the target for a child's first theft. It is small and easy to put in a pocket when everyone is busy unloading the cart. It's so easy, it must be expected, and so the grocer becomes our first drug pusher. Chocolate makes us feel good. It makes us happy when that serotonin is released. As we get older, we are encouraged to try stronger drugs like coffee to wake up and sips of whiskey for our cold and drug store remedies for every problem and prescriptions for even more serious problems. My mother never told me about depression. I am not sure if she ever had any. She was always spunky. But, as I talk to my friends and coworkers, it seems that depression abounds. Happy pills are no longer peanut M&Ms. They are prescriptions that the doctors give so that we can function normally. How else can we handle the stress that gives us a rash, or the sadness that throws us on a couch with a blanket for four hours of HBO movies. So far, I have handled it with out doctor pills. Except for the month after my mother's death when I filled a scrip for Ativan. Half a pill put me to sleep when I would wake from nightmares that made my heart race my stomach churn, and my head spin. I quit watching violence on TV and gave up the pills. My daily anxiety does not require pills if I write, paint, garden, sing, or volunteer. My daily sadness does draw me to the easy chair at times, hoping to find a friend on Facebook. But planning lunch with a friend is far more fun. We cannot avoid stress, drama and loneliness. Best way to deal with them is to face them and tell them off if need be and replace them with more enjoyable feelings of love, sharing and together time.

Favorite Sayings

My dad said, "He who finishes first gets to help the others". He was referring to our dessert which my mother served every night back in the days when we all sat down together as a family. Does anyone do that anymore? His saying could refer also to helping others in a charitable way if you complete your own work. Just for fun, I asked a table of men in the Mall to write down their favorite sayings. One said, "Clean mind, clean body". That reminds me of grandma's, "cleanliness is next to Godliness." Another said, "Bring a sack lunch and a friend". Now that sounds like an organizer or a fun loving trip taking person. I hope the future holds some sack lunch occasions for us still. A third said, "Six pack and a pizza". And that means instant party in every generation. I am not sure what I expected from a group of retired men that meet for coffee every day at 9am. Maybe,"Fish or cut bait", or, "Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house". My father-in-law like, "The one with the gold rules", as his favorite Golden Rule. I would love to hear more timeless sayings that are important to you my readers. My mom said, "You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar". But my all time favorite is, "Don't run for your life, write for your life". So, write thank you notes, stories, poems and journals. Write letters to the editor, sermons, articles, and contracts. Write it down and remember what you want people to know about you. But, be careful because the pen is mightier than the sword- and some words are hard to take back.

Forgiveness and Funnybones

Forgiveness is the single and simple way to feel better and move on when there has been an insult, slight or snub. It is the only way, really, to free oneself of all the bad things that follow any injustice. Hitting the elbow can really zing, so why is it called the funny bone? I think we have one in our brain as well. Someone can say something insulting or cruel that everyone else finds so funny. If we laugh along, it hurts less. I jump around the room saying oo oo oo, when I hit that spot on my elbow. We could all try that next time someone throws a zinger at us. And then forgive them. Even better, tell them you are sorry for what ever caused them to be so hurtful. How do you forgive someone who neglects you. If you tell them, you become a nag. Rude behavior can also be purposely not including someone. There is so much doubt and confusion when someone is excluded. Are we friends or aren't we? Do people like me, if not what do I need to do differently? Keep a sense of humor no matter what. And perhaps you need to ask for forgiveness for something you said or did that was offensive. Time heals these wounds. But if there are scars and new wounds are opened; start afresh. It is easier to make amends with family than to move on. But, sadly, some frinedships come to an end and it is not the end of the world. A new job, a new town, a new group can work wonders to heal your heart and lift your spirit. Learn from past mistakes and try not to repeat them.

Happy and Healthy

The wedding of Elise and Matthew was wonderful. It seemed that everyone had a good time and was comfortable and happy. That is all I hoped for. Matt's Mom, Jane, and I agree that all we wish now is for the couple to be happy and healthy in their marriage together. We know that it is not simple. Health is a fragile state in any normal situation. Exercise, eating nutritious foods and getting a good night's sleep are the main elements but often neglected in the busy lifestyles of our children. Illness, from the slightest cold to cancer, can creep up and smack you down because we are surrounded by unnatural chemical exposures and because our systems weaken when our spirit weakens. A strong marriage is easy when there are strong bodies and spirit. Happiness can be affected by small annoying behavior or events, but not if there is an inherent joy that laughs at the trivial and looks for the lesson. The daily lesson should always be: " Our love can overcome any obstacle". How do we keep a strong spirit? That is really, really hard when there are negative influences, anti-religious trends, and fatigue. Stay away from negative people! Have a day of rest every week. Find people who care about the things you do, and join forces to make some one's life better. Churches, charities, mentoring groups and coaching, are all places where there is fun to be had. Using your talents and meeting new people is such a spirit filled occupation. How to stay positive in a negative situation requires one good friend to be supportive- not a legion. My children remind me when I am getting to be a complainer or a picky person, and I still remind them of things more than I should. Our family love is also spirit building. I want to be a person my family looks to and not runs from. Be happy in your love, children, and pass it on to others.

Money

There are a few people in the world that feel thy have enough money. Some give it away freely and others spend it quickly, even before they have earned it. Money gives people an identity and status whether they use it charitably or to amass material things. Money is power and the love of it causes corruption. Even in a normal situation where the dollar is not being used to deceive or used as an abuse of power, there are always issues. One problem is that couples seldom agree on a plan for saving and spending. Should they control their own earnings and split the expenses, or pool their salaries and invest it together? If financial struggles ensue, when is it appropriate to ask others (like their parents) for help, or should they arrange for a loan? I certainly like to feel that I contribute to my marriage financially and have some freedom to spend as I wish. But, I have given nearly all control to my husband. Perhaps that was my way of giving him my trust or it was my delusion that money was not important to our happiness. In fact, I have complained about his spending and his refusal to buy things I wanted for our home. Now that I'm in my fifties there is little that I want or need and I am trying to downsize and give away. Looking back, all I ever wanted from anyone was time together and loving relationships. What we have saved for our children and grand children may not be their style. We want them to have the best but to also realize that we have put to much importance on material things. They too just want to know they are loved. They want to spend time together. They don't care about the cars, or furnishings, or trust accounts. I hope we can take care of each other in a way that is healthy and not based on wealth. Thankfully, we know how to work hard and use what we have wisely. I would like to be remembered as being generous with my time and love. Let the money not be wasted or worshiped, but used only for the glory of God.

Pretentious

How silly the working class is to try and mimic royalty and its extravagant waste. Weddings have become the kind of parties where families have gone to great lengths to show their wealth, or to put on a show for those they need to impress. Wedding etiquette is a myriad of rules for the mother of the bride to follow so that those who do not want to be impressed and honored to be invited, can find fault. It starts with petty things like how the invitation is worded and addressed and it explodes into even more nit picking with: where people sit at the church and reception, is the bride's dress modest enough, what kind of alcohol is served, and what is the point of the favors. Trying to keep things simple gets such a critical review by some, but to me, has been a philosophy for success. The best weddings that I have been to were simple, comfortable and fun. The invitations were not engraved, the dress was an heirloom, and I don't recall the alcohol- it wasn't the focus. The best music at any family gathering is the music played by family and friends, and the best favors were the memories and the candid pictures. Now that I have two weddings to plan in a year; I want them to be lovely and enjoyable. I don't remotely hope to compete with the Royal Wedding, but I know I will see Princesses walking down the aisle. I want our guests to enjoy the event, but I know there will be eyebrows raised and muffled chatters when traditions are not followed. I found myself doing the same at the last dozen weddings, because I was taking mental notes on what will make the perfect day for our daughters. Then I remembered: It is not about me and my party planning skills, there is nothing I can do that will please my critics, and there is no such thing as a perfect event. Things go wrong no matter how well the planning was done, and things happen that are not planned. That is part of the fun. I hope the weather will be nice, the food tasty, and the music lilting. I hope the guests will be happy, the bride and groom maddly in love, and the father of the bride calm. The only thing I really can control are my own emotions- and I don't expect to do that very well.