Weddings

It is wonderful that weddings are still popular. We went to five last year and have three that are planned for this year and maybe more. I don't think it is that difficult to plan one, but it may be difficult to accommodate everyone with work schedules and traveling distance. The real question for me is: How expensive does it need to be? I like to keep things simple, and my wedding was fairly simple. We did not have music and dancing at the reception. We had a buffet style dinner and floral decorations from the gardens of friends. My parents still had to take out a loan to pay for it, and my in-laws contributed a great deal by paying the bar bill and hosting the rehearsal dinner. I am sure my daughters have a few dreams in mind for the big day. My husband really wishes he could contribute to their living needs and not just to a blow-out party. So, what are the important parts of a wedding? Two families coming together to bless the relationship and the couple making a spiritual commitment of love to each other.

Crazy thing happened while I was writing this. Hannah called to tell me she is engaged! She has since been on-line looking at dresses flowers invitations and party favors. We went to two dress shops and she has decided that satin antique pearl or cafe is the fabric and color for her. So, here we go. I am feeling very excited and so is the rest of the family. Now it is hard to finish answering the question of what is important. Hope I don't become mother of the bridezilla. Hannah has taken the lead and I will try my best to make her dream come true.

Acceptance

What do you do when one daughter is not fond of her sister's boyfriend? Three girls who got along beautifully, now claim they will boycott the other's wedding; not come to family reunions if the other is there; and even quit speaking to one another. Ridiculous I say! It is hard enough for a mother to let go, it is hard for a father to think of his baby girl as a grown up, but I didn't know it would be hard for sisters to accept "new children" into the family in the shape of men. Daddy was the only one, with occasional influence from grandpa. It may be that with time they will all feel comfortable, but until then there is many a rolled eye and heavy sigh when a boyfriend's name is mentioned. Can it be that no boy can be good enough for a baby sister. Can it be that sisters want to exercise control or just think of each other as playmates forever? All I know is that conflict is not healthy in this case. So, once again, I listen, I suggest, I try to explain, and then listen some more. The sisters seem to be doing my job and letting me be the "good cop". I hope I don't talk myself into accepting a situation that I don't like. It is not really my decision, though I now see the benefits of an arranged marriage. If the gentlemen like sports they will get along with my husband just fine. if they love my daughter with the loyalty and respect that I have been shown, they will get along with me just fine. Like my dad wrote in a letter to me," It takes a high level of admiration, respect, enjoyment, and passion to know that you have found and ideal mate." If my daughters have found all of these things, they are truly lucky and blessed.

Keeping Up With Computing

My question was simple, "How do I make a playlist of music"? Well, the answer had ten directions from my daughter for each step. She was trying to show me, and I knew I would not remember without trying it myself. She also added sticky notes with the directions and showed me ten features that go with that. There were ten more directions on how to buy Itunes. Ten more directions on loading a CD and downloading music. Ten more directions on loading music to my Ipod. I forgot to mention that I did not know my password, so there were ten directions to locate it. I had to walk away to get a breath of air while my head was spinning. I kept saying, "Just stick to one thing", and she kept saying, "Have patience, you are acting like a twelve year old". Oh, so this really was good training for her in motherhood, and she is not even married yet. I learned five new skills out of the hundred she gave me and she learned a few new ones as well. We kept hugging as I got them right. Now she is going back to college and I will be on my own again. I will miss you Hannah. Email me, blog to me, facebook me, text me, or just call once a week. She is a Communications major in Photo Journalism- send me a picture! If she can teach a techno illiterate like me she is ready to work in the real world. Are there any internships out there for the summer?

No Comparison

Every person is unique. No matter how much we think our children have been treated equally and raised the same, they are each very different.  I like to talk about their individual talents and sometimes their quirks and personality traits; and I always get a resounding, "MOM, don't compare us".  Well, I don't really mean to.  It is not a competition or complaint to talk about my daughter's differences.  It is an acknowledgment and compliment about their wonderful achievements and interesting manners.  My grandmother used to talk about her three sons and our cousins and would always refer to my father as the number one son.  My mother really disliked that and worried that she would brag about or criticize our family and that would lead to jealousy or competition. Even so, my mother started talking about my brother's families to me. I told her she was doing the same thing my grandma did, and that made her realize that it is natural to analyze family members.  When a family lives far apart, there is little worry about conflict.  Yet, it is nice to have family close by, and therefore a good idea to keep our commentary to ourselves. 

The EGG Method

My friends tell me that they like my formula for visiting our adult children. The EGG method is simple and fun. Enthusiastic, Gracious, and Generous. If we show excitement and pride in what are children are doing, they will be happy to see us. If we thank them and appreciate all they are doing, they will be comfortable. And, if we pay for everything and give them things they really need, they will be sorry to see us go. I love to visit my children. It is an interesting transition for them to be nearly on their own after college. I hope they are as happy as I was at their age.

Empty Nest

Now that I am an empty Nestor, I am learning a new role. Listener. I had forgotten how much better I felt each week after I talked to my mom and "vented". I never knew it was making her sad or worried when I blathered on about living with others and making new friends. She listened and encouraged. She supported me and made me feel like I was the best mom and daughter that ever was. Now it is my turn to do the same for my daughters. I may not be able to help them due to distance or ignorance, but I can listen. I am happy to do it for anyone who needs a sounding board or just a vent shaft. Most problems are common. No simple answers, but patience is key to solving most everything. So, go ahead girls, I am ready.