No Comparison

Every person is unique. No matter how much we think our children have been treated equally and raised the same, they are each very different.  I like to talk about their individual talents and sometimes their quirks and personality traits; and I always get a resounding, "MOM, don't compare us".  Well, I don't really mean to.  It is not a competition or complaint to talk about my daughter's differences.  It is an acknowledgment and compliment about their wonderful achievements and interesting manners.  My grandmother used to talk about her three sons and our cousins and would always refer to my father as the number one son.  My mother really disliked that and worried that she would brag about or criticize our family and that would lead to jealousy or competition. Even so, my mother started talking about my brother's families to me. I told her she was doing the same thing my grandma did, and that made her realize that it is natural to analyze family members.  When a family lives far apart, there is little worry about conflict.  Yet, it is nice to have family close by, and therefore a good idea to keep our commentary to ourselves. 

The EGG Method

My friends tell me that they like my formula for visiting our adult children. The EGG method is simple and fun. Enthusiastic, Gracious, and Generous. If we show excitement and pride in what are children are doing, they will be happy to see us. If we thank them and appreciate all they are doing, they will be comfortable. And, if we pay for everything and give them things they really need, they will be sorry to see us go. I love to visit my children. It is an interesting transition for them to be nearly on their own after college. I hope they are as happy as I was at their age.