How to love without ceasing...

Do all that you can with out expecting a return of any kind.
Cook, clean, shop, work, but do it for more than yourself.
Give hugs, kisses and back rubs.
Think of kind words of praise, and say them often.
Start your day with words of encouragement.
Offer your help and give it cheerfully.
Support others in their mission and their dreams.
Work as a team and by yourself with out complaint.
Rest but don't get lazy. Plan but don't be demanding.
Celebrate with song, dance and music.
Offer to others before you help yourself.
Never make one sandwich or pour one drink.
Find new ways to delight others with your creativity.
Have high expectations of yourself without demands on others.
Lead by example, follow your heart.
Provide with out keeping track.
Give generously.
Don't fret or nag but go back to the beginning and start all over.

Self Absorbed

If you are lonely, you can go so many places where there is someone to talk to. Shopping, just about anywhere, from the grocery store to the antique store; there are people waiting to talk to you, help you and be to friends. Yes, they want you to buy something- so what. Church and Bible study groups are everywhere. People waiting with open arms to listen, pray, and offer loving guidance are abundant. Restaurants offer food friendship and football on the TV. Everyone wants to cheer their team on with a fellow fan. Neighbors: sometimes the person right next door is looking for a tea time break to discuss life and find direction. Volunteering at schools, assisted living centers, and hospitals where there are people captive and wanting some single attention takes the depression out of two lives. Forget lonely!

If you are tired, try a new routine. Moderate exercise (take a walk each day and increase slightly with a little house cleaning), eliminate some gunky intake and replace it with something nutritious that you have avoided. (fruit smoothie instead of chocolate). Pick a bedtime and turn off that TV when you start to doze. Pick a wake time and get started with a to do list. A balance of proper eat, sleep, and exercise does wonders, but if you have become ill, get thee to the doctor and get back on track.with the help of someone who can eliminate a problem. Forget tired!

If you lack confidence, it is tough to change but you have to get out of that trap. Start small doing something enjoyable and perhaps creative. Connect with a computer group, start a hobby you always wanted to try. Help someone with their hobby. Have a goal in mind to build on, but start with a small one. Being afraid of pain embarrassment or failure is a poison to the soul. Forget scared.

If you have no money. Try not to borrow any more or use credit. Start with a part time job, and spend only on the things that are necessary. Try to save a little and then work into a full time job. Save a little more and buy only what is necessary. Why do we buy so much to clutter our lives? Try selling what you don't use. Sure, artists have to make a living too. What would all the merchants do without our support? Leave that to the people that have money to spend. Develop your own skills and save Forget poor.

If you are angry, mistrusting, or hurt. Walk away from the people or things that abuse you. Find new people who are loving. Don't go back to people who say they have changed. They probably haven't. Forget abuse.

Now you can give back and stop looking within. Now you can feel free and love. Now you can put others first without competing. Forget yourself. Live in the light.

Stoplight

Life seems simple when there are basic rules and standards that we all agree to follow. We would all be dead or crippled with out traffic rules- I am so thankful for the stoplight. if only we had stoplights in our head for all behaviors. Caution's yellow would slow us down constantly to look both ways before we make a choice. Red would warn us to stop or there will be dangerous outcomes, and green would give us such security about doing the right thing. Unless, someone else runs the red light and turns our green into a fateful accident. There are so many mixed messages about socially acceptable or politically correct behavior, that our internal light signals no longer protect us. Single girls are sexually involved, unmarried women are having babies, couples live together without legal permission or rights, and women abort babies they don't want or think they can't handle. These are all common occurrences that are supported by society even though many people may believe it is morally wrong. Women realize that they and their children are 90% of the poor in America, and undervalued in many countries of the world. So, how can we find security and meaningful lives in this century? We should start by controlling our sexuality and fight against the problem of the penis. Women are in relationships with no promises and no permanence because they believe that the freedom is empowering, when in fact it causes delays in their hopes and dreams.

Fine China

My daughters appear delicate at times and resilient when I think they would collapse. Moms need to always be strong and set a good example. But, we are in fact like fine china. We want to be special, and treated with care. We want to be appreciated for our artistry and refinement. And we never want to be dropped or we will be broken into a dozen pieces. As I pack the fine china to move into a smaller home, I wonder what I will do with it. Every piece was a gift or belonged to my grandmothers who are now gone. The delicate cream and sugar bowls seem to be relics of the past when there was time to sit and have tea and chat with ladies. My daughters will probably not use such things or care about them. I enjoyed hosting teas and having women over for book discussions or Sunday School meetings. Do women do that anymore? I now send text messages to my girlfriends if I want to hear from them. And when we get together at parties; the men and women split so that one group can talk sports and politics and the other about children and charities. Easy to guess which is which, isn't it? My daughters have collected many nick knacks over the years. They will also have to pack them up or sort through and decide if they have any use. Their books will be replaced by Kindles, and the thousands of crayons markers and pens will be replaced by keyboards and touch screens. What goes in the garbage will make archaeologists scratch their heads in a hundred and thousand years. But all our trappings are really just a distraction from the fact that we surround ourselves with items that have memories. We want to hold on to the good feelings we had with the people who taught us and brought us love. Moving helps us to let go of things. It should NEVER make us let go of love and the people we love.

Concertric Circles

Concentric Circles

Release the pain,
Embrace the power.

A path to contentment is circling back
To remember and release.
Then to persuade and assist company
On the revolution of time
Into eternity.

In my midnight world
Where reality is beyond reality,
I am plagued by the painful conflicts
I deny in the daylight.

The gift is to awake
And find the madness to be false
In that way we control the outcomes.
I recognize the crazy clues,
That allows me to step
To the next level of subconscious,
Letting go each layer of disappointment
And unreasonable desire.

The new day revolves around a center
Where the half night exists only to be awakened
By the next sleep.

We release the pain through meditation,
Only to gather new ones
Through sloth and excessiveness of the mind and body.
The pain can be released
Through slow and patient manipulations
And replaced with the power
To assist souls in their orbits.

We are not linear
But cyclical spins of atomic power.
I am the planet comatose.

Kimalaya 2010

Contact and Attention

How often should a mom call her daughters and how often should they contact their mother. Remember that if they contact their father, he may forget to mention it. My generation was used to a call once a week. My mother would not do long distance unless it was really important, so she wrote hr mother once a month. With cell phones, and social networking it is easy to drop a line anytime without disturbing anyone. But that is not enough! We want to hear our children's voices!! WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU. So, a phone call once a week would be nice in an ordinary circumstance. But, I found out that my husband tries to touch base with our daughters everyday to make sure they are okay in their distance environs. So, my daughters forget to call or return the call when I have left messages and emails. Why is this happening? It makes it sound like I am hovering, but i am just trying to get a response from just one of my communication equipment. I tried to make appointments to talk, I tried waiting patiently, and I have tried threats such as: " I am dying and need help". Nothing works. I have to go back to being patient. Eventually someone will need something from me and will call.

Financial Intervention

We love to spoil our children and give them their heart's desire. And then they learn to talk and say, "I want". All parents then learn to say, "Maybe, if you are good, next time, and no". But still we want our children to have everything. So, now that they are independent adults, how much help is appropriate? When do parents or their children learn to live within their means and work for the things we need and want? I thought a credit card would be a mistake. My husband wanted our children to have one as a safety net. All three have had shopping sprees with out notice or a thank you when the bill came. Entitlement? Our oldest lives with in her means now and is saving for the future. Our middle child is practically independent, but pays no rent to live in our condo. Our youngest is engaged but still completely dependent and thinks nothing of using her plastic. All three hop on planes like it is taking a bike ride for the day. Spoiled? I just sound like a very bad and mean mom if I question these things which daddy freely gives. And it seems that my desires must be paid for with my own hard work. I hope the the future hubbies can handle the money bag. We have plenty of material things for the girls to choose to use. They need to save for the future or for a rainy day- heaven forbid a flood.

Let them Live their Own Lives

There is no stopping the constant mothering of a child, no matter their age. It is important to let children grow to find their independence and live life the way they see fit. There must be satisfaction for parents who have children that follow in their footsteps, and elation for parents who have children that far exceed their expectation. Reality is that we still find small things that frustrate us on both sides of the relationship. We can be proud that our child has a full time job with benefits, but pissed that they still don't pick up their clothes form the floor. Or, we can tell our children how excited we are that they bought their first car, and still erupt when they arrive late to occasions. This constant conflict is driving me crazy.

Lessons by the Shore

Sunrise by the ocean is a quiet place.

Joggers, shell hunters, walkers all say good morning as we politely pass by.

The rising tide drops millions of abandoned ocean homes.

I suddenly spy several conch fragments in one alcove.

They are black marbled cement heavy.

I line them up like sunbathers on a cruise ship.

Ten feet away there are more that are added to the collection.

A family reunion that keeps growing until there are 22, 35, now 43

in a row at the surf edge.

Joggers take notice.

Walkers point and remark soft words of amusement.

Forty-seven fabulous finds await a family of five who are collecting and not suspecting

An arranged artistry of prized shells. They ogle and look to me as I add one more.

I have brought home beach treasures to remind me of the happiness I feel there.

What right do I have to keep them sequestered in my own hiding place?

The oldest cherub faced boy asks, "Are these yours?"

"No," I say, "they belong to the ocean.

I put them there for fun and you can take them if they give you happiness."

"I want the big one," he says to his family, "Let's all pick one".

Man's art is only to rearrange nature.

Pigments, minerals, materials we organize

Never capture what the earth has perfectly formed

To give us happiness.

Less is Best

The less I say the better off I am. It seems that I can share the most mundane piece of information or remark about the smallest fact and it turns into a circle of blame and shame. Unfortunately, I have opinions on most things and I am willing to share them whenever I am engaged in conversation. My time with adults is only a fraction of the day, so I do sometimes become exuberant about a tiny mole hill. Lately, I am obsessed with an upcoming family gathering. I feel certain that there will be people who ignore me, avoid me, embarrass me, slight me, scold me, and roll their eyes at me. I pray to God that someone will love me. But, good grief it is not about me! I know that. I have become sensitive to so many hurts of the past. If there was a happy pill (that did not involve addiction) or a magic wand (that did not involve selling my soul); I would take it and use it and get over the past and enjoy the present. Don't we all just want to enjoy ourselves and be accepted by the people we are with? Cliche maybe, my goal will be to provide what is needed ( food and shelter) and try so very hard not to say anything personal. I will stick to sports and go back to the shy listener I used to be. Invisible is easy.

The Change

In the five years that my mother has been gone, my life has gone through many changes. Now the matriarch of the family; I have gained 20 pounds, resigned from a job, become an empty Nestor, lost touch with friends, found some old friends, and got a little better at golf. The biggest issue is menopause! While my young daughters are fertile and thinking of marriage and children, I may have finally had the last period. I begged for this time to arrive and even had a uterine ablation to avoid surgery and hopefully speed up the "change". Now there are new annoyances. Hemorrhoids have appeared- well i can't see them but I sure can feel something funny going on. Saddlebags have appeared, and I can't button my pants. Grey hair has appeared. Sure, I can dye it like all my friends, and struggle with the roots and chemicals- yuk. I can diet like all my friends. But, I really eat in a pretty healthy manner and exercise weekly although less than I used to. I didn't used to read or write- so, there is the trade off. My family tells me I am beautiful and that I don't need to change. Moles have appeared. The darn things have always plagued me. Arthritis, or something like it is attacking my hands and feet. Ouch, itch, and arg! How often should I be bugging the doctor about these things? Time for a good physical and consultation. But I hate the tests and the further tests that always seem necessary to find out that my breasts are fine and my fibroids are fine and my cervix is fine, my colon is cute, and my teeth are getting chipped and yellow. Poop! Oh, yes I need more fiber I am sure. I know an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. But, there is no cure for getting old. Adding more fun, helps us to forget we are old and still in debt. So, let's go dancing and have a few cocktails. The bus leaves at 5:00.

Weddings

It is wonderful that weddings are still popular. We went to five last year and have three that are planned for this year and maybe more. I don't think it is that difficult to plan one, but it may be difficult to accommodate everyone with work schedules and traveling distance. The real question for me is: How expensive does it need to be? I like to keep things simple, and my wedding was fairly simple. We did not have music and dancing at the reception. We had a buffet style dinner and floral decorations from the gardens of friends. My parents still had to take out a loan to pay for it, and my in-laws contributed a great deal by paying the bar bill and hosting the rehearsal dinner. I am sure my daughters have a few dreams in mind for the big day. My husband really wishes he could contribute to their living needs and not just to a blow-out party. So, what are the important parts of a wedding? Two families coming together to bless the relationship and the couple making a spiritual commitment of love to each other.

Crazy thing happened while I was writing this. Hannah called to tell me she is engaged! She has since been on-line looking at dresses flowers invitations and party favors. We went to two dress shops and she has decided that satin antique pearl or cafe is the fabric and color for her. So, here we go. I am feeling very excited and so is the rest of the family. Now it is hard to finish answering the question of what is important. Hope I don't become mother of the bridezilla. Hannah has taken the lead and I will try my best to make her dream come true.

Acceptance

What do you do when one daughter is not fond of her sister's boyfriend? Three girls who got along beautifully, now claim they will boycott the other's wedding; not come to family reunions if the other is there; and even quit speaking to one another. Ridiculous I say! It is hard enough for a mother to let go, it is hard for a father to think of his baby girl as a grown up, but I didn't know it would be hard for sisters to accept "new children" into the family in the shape of men. Daddy was the only one, with occasional influence from grandpa. It may be that with time they will all feel comfortable, but until then there is many a rolled eye and heavy sigh when a boyfriend's name is mentioned. Can it be that no boy can be good enough for a baby sister. Can it be that sisters want to exercise control or just think of each other as playmates forever? All I know is that conflict is not healthy in this case. So, once again, I listen, I suggest, I try to explain, and then listen some more. The sisters seem to be doing my job and letting me be the "good cop". I hope I don't talk myself into accepting a situation that I don't like. It is not really my decision, though I now see the benefits of an arranged marriage. If the gentlemen like sports they will get along with my husband just fine. if they love my daughter with the loyalty and respect that I have been shown, they will get along with me just fine. Like my dad wrote in a letter to me," It takes a high level of admiration, respect, enjoyment, and passion to know that you have found and ideal mate." If my daughters have found all of these things, they are truly lucky and blessed.

Keeping Up With Computing

My question was simple, "How do I make a playlist of music"? Well, the answer had ten directions from my daughter for each step. She was trying to show me, and I knew I would not remember without trying it myself. She also added sticky notes with the directions and showed me ten features that go with that. There were ten more directions on how to buy Itunes. Ten more directions on loading a CD and downloading music. Ten more directions on loading music to my Ipod. I forgot to mention that I did not know my password, so there were ten directions to locate it. I had to walk away to get a breath of air while my head was spinning. I kept saying, "Just stick to one thing", and she kept saying, "Have patience, you are acting like a twelve year old". Oh, so this really was good training for her in motherhood, and she is not even married yet. I learned five new skills out of the hundred she gave me and she learned a few new ones as well. We kept hugging as I got them right. Now she is going back to college and I will be on my own again. I will miss you Hannah. Email me, blog to me, facebook me, text me, or just call once a week. She is a Communications major in Photo Journalism- send me a picture! If she can teach a techno illiterate like me she is ready to work in the real world. Are there any internships out there for the summer?