Happy and Healthy

The wedding of Elise and Matthew was wonderful. It seemed that everyone had a good time and was comfortable and happy. That is all I hoped for. Matt's Mom, Jane, and I agree that all we wish now is for the couple to be happy and healthy in their marriage together. We know that it is not simple. Health is a fragile state in any normal situation. Exercise, eating nutritious foods and getting a good night's sleep are the main elements but often neglected in the busy lifestyles of our children. Illness, from the slightest cold to cancer, can creep up and smack you down because we are surrounded by unnatural chemical exposures and because our systems weaken when our spirit weakens. A strong marriage is easy when there are strong bodies and spirit. Happiness can be affected by small annoying behavior or events, but not if there is an inherent joy that laughs at the trivial and looks for the lesson. The daily lesson should always be: " Our love can overcome any obstacle". How do we keep a strong spirit? That is really, really hard when there are negative influences, anti-religious trends, and fatigue. Stay away from negative people! Have a day of rest every week. Find people who care about the things you do, and join forces to make some one's life better. Churches, charities, mentoring groups and coaching, are all places where there is fun to be had. Using your talents and meeting new people is such a spirit filled occupation. How to stay positive in a negative situation requires one good friend to be supportive- not a legion. My children remind me when I am getting to be a complainer or a picky person, and I still remind them of things more than I should. Our family love is also spirit building. I want to be a person my family looks to and not runs from. Be happy in your love, children, and pass it on to others.

Money

There are a few people in the world that feel thy have enough money. Some give it away freely and others spend it quickly, even before they have earned it. Money gives people an identity and status whether they use it charitably or to amass material things. Money is power and the love of it causes corruption. Even in a normal situation where the dollar is not being used to deceive or used as an abuse of power, there are always issues. One problem is that couples seldom agree on a plan for saving and spending. Should they control their own earnings and split the expenses, or pool their salaries and invest it together? If financial struggles ensue, when is it appropriate to ask others (like their parents) for help, or should they arrange for a loan? I certainly like to feel that I contribute to my marriage financially and have some freedom to spend as I wish. But, I have given nearly all control to my husband. Perhaps that was my way of giving him my trust or it was my delusion that money was not important to our happiness. In fact, I have complained about his spending and his refusal to buy things I wanted for our home. Now that I'm in my fifties there is little that I want or need and I am trying to downsize and give away. Looking back, all I ever wanted from anyone was time together and loving relationships. What we have saved for our children and grand children may not be their style. We want them to have the best but to also realize that we have put to much importance on material things. They too just want to know they are loved. They want to spend time together. They don't care about the cars, or furnishings, or trust accounts. I hope we can take care of each other in a way that is healthy and not based on wealth. Thankfully, we know how to work hard and use what we have wisely. I would like to be remembered as being generous with my time and love. Let the money not be wasted or worshiped, but used only for the glory of God.

Pretentious

How silly the working class is to try and mimic royalty and its extravagant waste. Weddings have become the kind of parties where families have gone to great lengths to show their wealth, or to put on a show for those they need to impress. Wedding etiquette is a myriad of rules for the mother of the bride to follow so that those who do not want to be impressed and honored to be invited, can find fault. It starts with petty things like how the invitation is worded and addressed and it explodes into even more nit picking with: where people sit at the church and reception, is the bride's dress modest enough, what kind of alcohol is served, and what is the point of the favors. Trying to keep things simple gets such a critical review by some, but to me, has been a philosophy for success. The best weddings that I have been to were simple, comfortable and fun. The invitations were not engraved, the dress was an heirloom, and I don't recall the alcohol- it wasn't the focus. The best music at any family gathering is the music played by family and friends, and the best favors were the memories and the candid pictures. Now that I have two weddings to plan in a year; I want them to be lovely and enjoyable. I don't remotely hope to compete with the Royal Wedding, but I know I will see Princesses walking down the aisle. I want our guests to enjoy the event, but I know there will be eyebrows raised and muffled chatters when traditions are not followed. I found myself doing the same at the last dozen weddings, because I was taking mental notes on what will make the perfect day for our daughters. Then I remembered: It is not about me and my party planning skills, there is nothing I can do that will please my critics, and there is no such thing as a perfect event. Things go wrong no matter how well the planning was done, and things happen that are not planned. That is part of the fun. I hope the weather will be nice, the food tasty, and the music lilting. I hope the guests will be happy, the bride and groom maddly in love, and the father of the bride calm. The only thing I really can control are my own emotions- and I don't expect to do that very well.

Happiness and Joy

For years my mother-in-law has said, " I just want everyone to be happy." And I now find myself saying the same thing when asked what I want for Christmas. I find myself thinking it when ever we are together as a family, and praying it when we are apart. But, happiness can be so elusive. It is dependent on conditions and actions of others. Happiness is a cause/effect relationship. So it is now joy we must seek. Joy is a feeling that is part of our personality; our emotional and spiritual make-up. Happiness relies on facts and joy emanates from the truth. The facts don't always support the truth. Our Pastor clearly exemplified this when telling the story of the perfect Christmas gift. He received a beautiful designer shirt that was his size. Yet, when he tried it on, the button at his mid section nearly popped. It was a "slim fit' shirt, or "demon shirt" as he put it. There went his self esteem and moment of happiness. Joy filled people do not need numbers to bring them happiness. Numbers can guide us, but also be deceiving. Weight, age, size, price, are all relative. We should not let them dictate our happiness. So, joy. What is it and how can I get me some? It is more than a Pollyanna attitude or a positive thinker. it is more than finding the serendipity. It is more than being lucky and having things always go right. Joy is knowing the truth: that all things are leading to a glorious time. There are many who need to beleive that there is something more than this life and those who are content with what they have. Some who look hopefully to heaven and those who argue against our immortal souls. That is the point. We will feel joyful when we stop looking for happiness and stop cursing that which takes away our happiness. We will be joyful when opinions of others really don't matter because we live in truth and our joy is contagious. Hannah was only five when she said, "Laughter is contagious". Bethany was only three when she said, "Love is the answer." Elise was only seven when she sang solo," A child, a child, shivers in the night, he will bring us goodness and light". Each child has a message that I hope will continue to guide them in their lives.

How to love without ceasing...

Do all that you can with out expecting a return of any kind.
Cook, clean, shop, work, but do it for more than yourself.
Give hugs, kisses and back rubs.
Think of kind words of praise, and say them often.
Start your day with words of encouragement.
Offer your help and give it cheerfully.
Support others in their mission and their dreams.
Work as a team and by yourself with out complaint.
Rest but don't get lazy. Plan but don't be demanding.
Celebrate with song, dance and music.
Offer to others before you help yourself.
Never make one sandwich or pour one drink.
Find new ways to delight others with your creativity.
Have high expectations of yourself without demands on others.
Lead by example, follow your heart.
Provide with out keeping track.
Give generously.
Don't fret or nag but go back to the beginning and start all over.

Self Absorbed

If you are lonely, you can go so many places where there is someone to talk to. Shopping, just about anywhere, from the grocery store to the antique store; there are people waiting to talk to you, help you and be to friends. Yes, they want you to buy something- so what. Church and Bible study groups are everywhere. People waiting with open arms to listen, pray, and offer loving guidance are abundant. Restaurants offer food friendship and football on the TV. Everyone wants to cheer their team on with a fellow fan. Neighbors: sometimes the person right next door is looking for a tea time break to discuss life and find direction. Volunteering at schools, assisted living centers, and hospitals where there are people captive and wanting some single attention takes the depression out of two lives. Forget lonely!

If you are tired, try a new routine. Moderate exercise (take a walk each day and increase slightly with a little house cleaning), eliminate some gunky intake and replace it with something nutritious that you have avoided. (fruit smoothie instead of chocolate). Pick a bedtime and turn off that TV when you start to doze. Pick a wake time and get started with a to do list. A balance of proper eat, sleep, and exercise does wonders, but if you have become ill, get thee to the doctor and get back on track.with the help of someone who can eliminate a problem. Forget tired!

If you lack confidence, it is tough to change but you have to get out of that trap. Start small doing something enjoyable and perhaps creative. Connect with a computer group, start a hobby you always wanted to try. Help someone with their hobby. Have a goal in mind to build on, but start with a small one. Being afraid of pain embarrassment or failure is a poison to the soul. Forget scared.

If you have no money. Try not to borrow any more or use credit. Start with a part time job, and spend only on the things that are necessary. Try to save a little and then work into a full time job. Save a little more and buy only what is necessary. Why do we buy so much to clutter our lives? Try selling what you don't use. Sure, artists have to make a living too. What would all the merchants do without our support? Leave that to the people that have money to spend. Develop your own skills and save Forget poor.

If you are angry, mistrusting, or hurt. Walk away from the people or things that abuse you. Find new people who are loving. Don't go back to people who say they have changed. They probably haven't. Forget abuse.

Now you can give back and stop looking within. Now you can feel free and love. Now you can put others first without competing. Forget yourself. Live in the light.

Stoplight

Life seems simple when there are basic rules and standards that we all agree to follow. We would all be dead or crippled with out traffic rules- I am so thankful for the stoplight. if only we had stoplights in our head for all behaviors. Caution's yellow would slow us down constantly to look both ways before we make a choice. Red would warn us to stop or there will be dangerous outcomes, and green would give us such security about doing the right thing. Unless, someone else runs the red light and turns our green into a fateful accident. There are so many mixed messages about socially acceptable or politically correct behavior, that our internal light signals no longer protect us. Single girls are sexually involved, unmarried women are having babies, couples live together without legal permission or rights, and women abort babies they don't want or think they can't handle. These are all common occurrences that are supported by society even though many people may believe it is morally wrong. Women realize that they and their children are 90% of the poor in America, and undervalued in many countries of the world. So, how can we find security and meaningful lives in this century? We should start by controlling our sexuality and fight against the problem of the penis. Women are in relationships with no promises and no permanence because they believe that the freedom is empowering, when in fact it causes delays in their hopes and dreams.